Pink Taco:I Know What you're thinking....

What’s in a name? We have the Scottsdale Police department. The Scottsdale Fire department and now we have the Scottsdale Morality department, who count among their ranks, mayor Mary Manross and Councilman Bob Littlefield. Several weeks ago, restaurateur Harry Morton, son of Hard Rock owner Peter Morton, opened a Pink Taco (stop it!) to rave reviews, a stellar VIP list and a pretty good Margarita, as proclaimed by Councilman Warren Ecton. That guy knows how to party!. He also has a sense of what is important these days and what isn’t, and the furor over the new restaurant has me fondly remembering Sigmund Freud who once said: “sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.” Or was that Groucho Marx?

Regardless, what our Mayor and some members of the city council are doing to regulate business is, in fact, legislating morality. They don't like the name and they have written editorial about it. This was too racy for the Arizona Republic, although they do carry my monthly column in a sister publication.

I did a little research as to some people and places in Scottsdale and the state, that might be offensive or discriminatory to some and seemingly benign to others. and did I come up with some great stuff. The Scottsdale Gun Club (some people are anti-gun). The Valley Ho! (no explanation necessary) and an internist named Dr. Weiner (giggle-wink-wink). Tucson has a Dr. Goldfinger (yes, an obstetrician). Godfather Pizza (are all Italians in the mob?”) and My Big Fat Greek restaurant (I just got back from Santorini. They have some skinny Greeks too). What about this new moving company I read about: Mother Truckers. Can you imagine how they ever got their license?

Over in England, they’re less fussy. They have an eye glass store, Spex Appeal (sounds like S-E-X to me); a hair salon, Cliptomania (Kleptomania is listed in the AMA as a disorder-how offensive) and Cambridge House of the Blind (yes, levelors and shades).

See how silly it is? Some in our city government lump the Pink Taco into the Babe’s fray and while one is not related to the other, the outcry is coming from the same sector and it’s probably just a coincidence that these protestations surround things sexual in nature. Not.

No one is suggesting a Castle Superstore adult emporium be built next to an elementary school or a brothel open next to a church. People are having fun, they’re paying taxes, not doing anything illegal and might even be the same people sitting next to you in your house of worship or Rotary Club meeting but believe moral values are something you live by, not foist upon others.

Maybe we should concentrate on names of streams and rivers with names like Savage Lake or Rum River in the Pacific Northwest that sit on Native American land but were renamed by White Men to reflect the ruin brought to many tribes by liquor or coined to reflect their feelings about the people they had just slaughtered. In Harlem, a sign at an IHOP asked customers to show receipts before exiting the restaurant. Only in that neighborhood. I find those type of signs and names offensive and when you look at these examples, uproar over sexual innuendo seems pretty lame.

I tried to get into the Pink Taco (i said STOP it!) the other night and it was mobbed. I said I would go back again.

But I think our city fathers—and mother-should work on bringing business to Scottsdale, revitalizing our downtown, make it easier for bars and restaurants and businesses to establish themselves without having to jump through hoops to satisfy outdated and restrictive building ordinances, instead of raising a hue and cry.

My sister in law called to ask me if I knew of a good place to get her dog clipped. I searched the internet and found a great pet grooming store. What was the name?
“Doggy Style.” Don’t get me started!!!.

Mel's Angels

My friend Dr. Mark, a childhood friend, emailed me last night and asked how come I have not written a blog about the Mel Gibson fiasco. I said: I'm working on it!" Yesterday, Mel's Hollywood friends came out to support him: Jodi Foster and "Jewish" producer/friend Dean Devlin who said Mel "had a problem." You're damn right. he hates Jews! Now, was that so hard to say? A web article today said he has an Israeli Bodyguard and a Jewish publicist. I'm soooo confused. Now, he must love Jews! Not really. But everyone, sometimes follows the money.We become friends with famous, rich and important people, even if their views disgust us because that's where the influence is. Henry Ford and Harvey Firestone were good friends and business associates. Well, business associates. That Ford was an anti-Semite is common knowledge but Firestone Tires on Ford Cars??Brilliant partnership. the Jew and The Jew hater.Well that relationship worked:until the tires starting shredding a century later. Back to Smell--er..uh, Mel. Hollywood has had its share of Jew haters and Jew baiters. Isn't hating Jews a sin? Oh wait.That's the New Vatican. Gibson subscribes to the old Vatican. the one of the Dark Ages. So, what do about Mel.He is a Lethal Weapon(get it?) in the film industry who uses his wealth to promote his causes. Using funds to support opinions is nothing new..nor is it wrong.To promote hate is even one's right. That's what makes this country great, and at times, a little scary. If the publicist, studio and everyone else who makes money off of Mel said "sorry. we can't handle you anymore," THAT would be noble. But it'll never happen. There's an old joke about a guy who arrives at his home to see a police car and to be told that his wife, kids have been murdered and the house set on fire.. he asks who found them? The policeman says :your agent." The guy replies, my agent came to my house?!" People look through the tragedy that is Mel Gibson and see the glory of the stars in their eyes. In the somewhat cheesy science fiction movie, “Independence Day,”(written coincidentally by his "jewish" friend Dean Devlin; the character, President Tom Whitmore tells a group of rag-tag troops assembled to fight aliens, “Perhaps it's fate that you will once again be fighting for our freedom -- not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution, but from annihilation. We're fighting for our right to live, to exist.we will not go quietly into the night, we will not vanish without a fight... We're going to live on! We're going to survive!” We will survive, Mel, in spite of your vitriol. I'd like to believe if Jesus were here today, he'd kick you square in the center of your ass. Kind of like The Passion of the Crack.....

Hats off to Larry

Did anyone see the car wreck last night on CNN? Actually, it was an interview by Larry King with Liza (it's Liza with a Z,not Lisa with an S, cause Liza with a Z goes ZZZ not SSSS_ Minelli.

Larry please. Do what Mike Wallace did who is at least 10 years your senior. retire. with dignity.

I was not sure who would fall asleep first: Larry, Liza or me. Forget that it was a love fest. Old-time Hollywood does that. But You don't see Clint Eastwood at 70 plus or Robert Wagner, also in the same range, lamenting for the good old days. Those days went out when Lucky Strike went to War.

I don't learn anything new from his interviews. In fact, as a pr guy for 30 years, it's all sizzle and no steak. I should know.

Larry was looking as if he could not stay awake, either it was Liza's formulaic answers or his advancing years.

Olivier should have retired somewhere between Marathon Man and The Jazz Singer with Neil Diamond but he didn't. And people too often remember not the first or the best thing you did..but the last.

I admire age.I am 52 and never thought I'd be this old. And I know we need the applause, the love, the notoriety.

Although he was rumored to be mean spirited, Johnny Carson left on a high note.I ask you,Larry to leave with one last great interview. Kadaffi, Clinton, Carter, Muhammad Ali.

Spare us Jessica Simpson and the Olsen Twins.

You are so much better than that.

You have children..grandchildren.

Spend time with them.

the world will always remember you, cherish you. I know I will.

Hardly Martin Luther King Jr.

As an active participant in the Vietnam anti-war movement, we had some pretty colorful,articulate and cerebral leaders.Maybe NOT Jerry Rubin but there were many: Fathers Philip and Daniel Berrigan; Rennie Davis and others. Last week, during a visit here to Phoenix, Cindy Sheehan led a rally,prompting a son of a local Reverend(a member of Al Sharpton's national alliance) to call her "the Martin Luther King of our time."

Huh?

One of the things about thoughtful moderate Democrats and Republicans is they may not agree with the other side but they appreciate well thought out, often emotional arguments.

If Cindy Sheehan is the representative of this movement, then there's trouble in River City.

I thought Hussein was bad guy. He needed to leave.Big time. And if we went in for oil, we should have said it. If it were up to me, and it isn't, I'd go in and say:"OK..who wants to leave and come to America?Raise your hands. Ok.Busses are leaving in two hours. The rest of you, enjoy your war ravaged country.

Back to Cindy. Her son re-upped for second tour. I don't know his reasons, maybe it was financial, maybe it was to get the military to help him with learning new skills and just maybe, he believed in the war for democracy, regardless of how quickly this has deteriorated and how George Bush has mis-managed this from day one.

Sheehan is running the risk of making this a Vietnam debacle, where in blasting the administration of Richard Nixon, the movement characterized the soldiers there not as heroes but baby killers. It would be sad to see people spit on these brave men and women when they return.

Don't get me wrong. I know the pain of losing a child. But her ramblings, blaming Israel and not really articulating what the issues are in a sensible way, run the risk of doing her late son Casey, a disservice.

I never met Rev. King but in my religious teachings, I read about Moses. I feel I knew Moses. I believe Moses was a friend of mine. And you, Cindy, are no Moses.

Oy Vay, Maria!

Reprinted with permission from The Jewish News of Phoenix
August 19, 2005/Av 7 5765, Volume 57, No. 51
OPINION - Commentary

Rosie in 'Fiddler'? Oy veh
by BARRY KLUGER

I imagine Patti Lupone rolled over - in her bed - when Sandy Duncan was signed to do a road show of "Evita," back in the '80s. It just seemed so - wrong.

But I gave John Stamos a shot when he subbed for Matthew Broderick in "How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying" in the '90s and Christina Applegate when she took on the lead in "Sweet Charity" this year - and they performed pretty well. Even kudos for Brooke Shields when she hit the lights of the Great White Way and surprised audiences.

But today, I said Kaddish (Jewish prayer for mourning)when I read Rosie O'Donnell was taking over the role of Golde in "Fiddler on The Roof," alongside Harvey Fierstein, who plays Tevye for laughs in the vein of Zero Mostel.

Rosie as Golde, the much put-upon wife of Tevye? I can hear it now: "Crepemaker, crepemaker, make me a nosh!"

During my 10 years as an exec at MTV Networks, I had a great opportunity to get to know Rosie, as a host and comedienne. At that, she is tops. And even her talk show, gushing over Tom Cruise long before he jumped on Oprah's couch, was a solid hit. She has shown herself to be a box office draw in films, television and on Broadway, but this odd bit of casting is reminiscent of the silly notion of Conan O'Brian as Stanley Kowalski or Eminem in the lead of "Raisin in the Sun." (No, these didn't really happen.)

So, why am I as meshuga(crazy) about this like mayonnaise on corned beef? Well, it's pandering. It's as if Broadway wants to boost a semi-successful show by casting a top name star who seems totally out of place in a classic humorous Jewish play, to raise ticket sales. Oh wait ... That's what they do on Broadway. How stupid of me.

You don't have to be Jewish to play a Jew. Look at the late Sir Laurence Olivier as Neil Diamond's clapping father in the final scenes of "The Jazz Singer." Oh, wait ... don't look at that one.OK. Look at Peter Finch as Yitzhak Rabin in "The Raid on Entebbe," or Ben Kingsley in "Schindler's List." Both believable and neither Jewish.

So, a good actor can play the role with relish and realism.But a wise-cracking comic as the victim of a terrible time in Jewish history? I suppose the producers think they are doing something brilliant, but I think they need the cash. This isn't "Sleepless in Stalingrad."

I suppose she deserves a chance. I do like when actors push the envelope, although at first glance, it looks like it's sure to be a dud. And it'd be great if she proves us wrong.

But this is "Fiddler on the Roof," not a "Latke of Their Own" and I hope somewhere in this mix, Sholom Aleichem's great story of the humor, perseverance, pain and pride of the Jews of Russia comes through and we're not treated to "Take My Shetl ... Please!"

Barry Kluger is chairman of the Governor's Commission on Film and Television. His e-mail is barry@barrykluger.com.

Hate Visits Everyone

Two things upset me this week in the paper. One was a New York Times report on the Philadelphia School Board decision to add a mandatory high school course on African-American History, “So children can understand the full totality of the American experience.” The other was a column in the Arizona Republic by ASU Professor Matthew Whitaker entitled: Don’t confuse gay rights with civil rights.”

First, the streets of Philadelphia. This is a city with a large African American population and I agree that this history should be taught. But where is the course “Endangered Cultures of the United States?” Our rich American history has a great track record of equal opportunity racism here at home; throwing into the mix Mexicans, Japanese, Poles, Muslims, Native Americans and Jews, yet this decision focuses only on the great injustice thrust upon of Blacks in America and ignores the rest. It would have been another matter had this course been offered as an elective as it has in Philadelphia for years. Such is not the case.

Understanding just one culture’s horror diminishes the others and ignores a society where, for example, the Hispanic population is expected to surpass 50% in the next decade. If we are truly intent on understanding and erasing a disease such as racism and intolerance, then we can’t focus on just one of its germs and ignore the rest of the creeping sickness. Lest anyone forget, we interred Japanese Americans, took land from Native Americans, and bombed religious institutions of Jewish Americans. Last I checked, we were ALL Americans, each with our own painful history and to not take into account all our country's transgressions, totally misses the point.

Here in Phoenix, Professor Whitaker used the marriage debate between gays to make the misguided point that gays have not had real civil rights issues over the years, and that race has been a determining factor in blocking upward mobility. I certainly agree with and understand his argument there but for each Medgar Evers, there has been a Matthew Shepard and a Leo Frank, the latter’s death that was the spark that started the Anti Defamation League in American and around the world, back in 1913.

Many of my gay friends are opposed to the marriage fight, choosing to concentrate on the civil rights issues that Professor Whitaker says are not the crux of their fight. Certain civil rights as to who to live with, owning property, and receiving health benefits, just to name a few, are issues that all races and cultures are entitled to. One group’s history of discrimination is not more important than the other and yes, I agree the color of one’s skin cannot be hidden but instead of saying my pain is worse than yours and deserves special treatment, is the very thing we abhor. A friend of mine’s father changed his name from Berkowitz to Berke so he could get a job and attend college in the early 40’s, because “no one wanted the Jews.” Not in their schools, not in their businesses and not in their country clubs.

Instead of furthering the alienation, I would suggest both the city of Philadelphia and Professor Whitaker concentrate on what unites us, rather than what separates us. The NAACP focuses on the issues confronting African Americans, while an association like the ADL says “if you have been a target of hate and discrimination, we’ll champion your cause, whether you are a Howard, a Harazahi, a Hernandez, a Hightower, a Hiromatsu or a Hellerstein.”

The Civil Rights movement grew out of many faiths and cultures standing together to battle injustice with nary a question as to the color of their skin but rather the fabric of their soul. There are two ways to go here: One is to unite together to educate our young about our shameful history of intolerance and bias or we can end up like Martin Niemoller who said: “...and when they came for me, there was no one left to speak out.”

A PRINCE AT CIGAR KING

In a cozy little cigar store, tucked away in the side streets of the Scottsdale Air Park, all the world’s problems are being settled, one Montecristo at a time.

The social clubs of the new millennium are no longer the street corners with the folding chairs or the various Elks, Moose and Knights of Pythias meetings but rather a place like Cigar King where a bunch of guys (and hearty women smokers), from all faiths and cultures sit, smoke and kibitz. Never mind your religion or sometimes lack of, Lenny Bruce would have said that if you’re sitting around talking, you’re kibitzing. Whether you’re a Rosen, a Russell, a Ramirez, a Rizzoli or a Roon Woo, it doesn’t matter.

Where I have often found people go to places to either relax or be a recluse, my cigar store allows one to soak it all in or dish it all out. The jokes, the insults, the heated political and religious discussions, the Red State Guys, The Blue State Guys, the fireman, the financier, the golfer, the go-fer and yes, the pauper, the puppet, the pirate, the poet, the pawn and the king.

At the King, Israel is just one interesting issue. The guy from Rural Metro, who happened to be a Bush-man, got into a discussion with a Kerry-ite, debating the future security of the Jewish State. Scottsdale’s Bravest argued that the Jews had no better friend than the guy in the White House, while the other argued that refusing to recognize a chosen leader, albeit a terrorist (and now a dead one) was tantamount to further alienating an Arab world. A third chimed in, claiming that it was a biblical prophesy that the Jews remain in control of the Holy Land and its capital, Jerusalem. And the funny thing is these were all friends of Israel and not one, a Jew.

Friends of our faith come in all shapes; sizes, religions and colors, or at least they do here. Rather than imagine what people think of us, there are ‘Kings’ all over Arizona where regardless of what is being decided at the polls, a group of guys just sit around and talk. They dialogue, they argue, they agree, they differ and they come together and we don’t have to imagine their views, we hear them.

I always believed I never learned something from someone I agreed with and by venturing out to be with my “own” as well as “the others” has made me smarter, kinder and accepting. I still have no time for the haters but I’ve met people who never met Jews before and some who did, and didn’t like what they saw, until they collapsed in a leather chair, lit one up and opened their eyes and their hearts.

In a rather unique, and often scary, time in our lives, I found a haven to do just that. Someone once said if people took off all their clothes before they argued, they’d end up laughing and forget why they fought in the first place. I implore these guys to keep their trousers but continue to chide and chat and kibitz. We may not end world hunger or achieve world peace but here at The King,it’s real, it’s refreshing and yes, it’s smoky.